Heart/wrecked

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Like a ship that runs aground because of low tide or unseen rocks or fog or navigational errors, our beautiful heart can be damaged when blood flow is restricted or when it flows unregulated.

Heart/wrecked.

I grew up hearing the term, “Stress kills.”

I was never quite sure what that meant, but then I did when it happened to me.

Uniquely & Brilliantly Adorned: Can Your Job Kill You?
http://www.uniquelyandbrilliantlyadorned.com

After a seemingly nonstop barrage of a personal stressful situation–like a ship hitting the rocks over and over again–it all finally took an undeniable toll on my physical health.

One of my favorite places to live is in the state of Denial, but I’ve been forced to temporarily move to a new town called Reality. Hopefully, I’ll just visit there for a bit until I can come home again.

After experiencing some intermittent and strangely terrifying heart pains, I went to the doc who took my blood pressure and was concerned about the results. It was super high. I had always had enviably LOW blood pressure since I exercise regularly, am vegan and never smoked, so this raised concerns.

Over the course of a couple weeks, my BP was checked daily and it stayed consistently high; dangerously high, which only made me more anxious and more stressed, and at one of the office visits, I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. (Super embarrassing for the doc and absolutely mortifying for me.)

This led to an order for an Echocardiogram along with all the other heart-focused tests. The echo was done at a local hospital–a definite trigger. No one wants to go to a hospital at any time, but especially during Covid. It seemed like I was being admitted, with a wrist band and lots of little stickers, and I was devastated.

I almost bolted out of the front door at that point, but I persevered. I can share with you that it’s a scary time when you have to figure out why you don’t feel great. I’ve been a medical advocate for several loved ones, but it’s radically more difficult when you have to care for yourself. Poor me.

The technician was amazing, especially considering I tormented her with a million questions. I know enough about medical stuff to see that she was concentrating on a certain area of my heart. I really appreciated her patience with me and her detailed explanations during the hour-long ordeal.

The results showed a dilated aortic root valve and regurgitation of the mitral valve.

Risk Adjustment Coding Academy- Coding Focus

What this means is that the accumulation of stress and panic attacks and PTSD that I’ve endured during the last four years manifested medically and physically and caused structural damage to my heart.

Mitral valve regurgitation - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

“Severe physical or emotional stress increases blood pressure to the point where the tensile limit of the aortic tissue is overwhelmed, causing the rupture.”

“Over time, certain conditions, such as high blood pressure, can cause your heart to work harder, gradually enlarging your heart’s left ventricle.”

“Mitral valve regurgitation can cause complications such as atrial fibrillation, in which the atria of the heart don’t contract well. This leads to increased risk of stroke. Also, elevated blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary artery hypertension).”

Hypertension makes the blood push harder against the valve and causes it to dilate, enlarge, and that’s pretty much the same scenario for the mitral valve, which seems to be the cause of the intermittent chest pain.

I’ll need to be monitored regularly because if I can’t control the stress/blood pressure and the valves stretch to a dangerous size, the only solution is surgical intervention–or death.

Reducing stress and hypertension can possibly keep the valves from enlarging any further, but the damage is done–nothing will make them reduce in size back to normal, except surgery.

Let me tell you that it’s true. Stress kills.

Now I’m off to change course, take some magnesium, eat more beets, meditate, calm down and regulate my breathing so that I don’t have a stroke or an aneurysm.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Heart/wrecked.

Shipwrecked.

Grow Wings of Kindness

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“…acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love”― Rumi

Earth Day 2024 – Sustainable Living

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I almost forgot that today is also the first night of Passover, so here’s a couple of suggestions to create a vegan Seder plate. Substitute a roasted beet for the roasted lamb bone (no one should be eating babies, anyway) and for the egg, try seeds or flowers, because they’re symbolic of spring and hold the potential for new life like an egg does.

Back to Earth Day, the theme for 2024 is “Planet vs. Plastics”.

Sustainable lifestyles are considered to be ways of living, social behaviors, and choices — that minimize environmental degradation (use of natural resources, CO2 emissions, waste and pollution) while supporting equitable socio-economic development and better quality of life, not only for us, but for future generations and Mother Earth.

That’s what I like to think I’m doing when I visit my favorite consignment shop (haha).

I attended the very first Earth Day celebration in 1970 at Balboa Park in San Diego with a crowd of about 70,000 people. The weather was beautiful, about 68 degrees, and I must have skipped school that Wednesday.

After all this time, I can’t remember who I went with or how I got there but I do recall walking from booth to booth looking for free stuff and having an unpleasant encounter with a San Diego cop, probably about being truant.

There is a vague recollection that I swore at him and he got all puffed up and intimidating, threatening to call my dad until I told him to go ahead, my dad was a lawyer…and then he walked away. Miss you, Daddy, and thank you!

Gaia, known as the mother goddess, was the personification of Earth. She’s described as a caring and nurturing mother figure to all of her children, plants, and other living creatures on this planet.

If we take care of Mother Earth, she’ll take care of us!

Here are some way to live a more sustainable lifestyle from the Center for Biological Diversity.

🌎  Think twice before shopping.
🌎  Ditch plastic and switch to reuse.
🌎  Take extinction off your plate.
🌎  Simplify the holidays.
🌎  Choose organic.
🌎  Ditch fast fashion and animal-based textiles.
🌎  Be water wise.
🌎  Drive less, drive green.
🌎  Green your home.
🌎  Boycott products that endanger wildlife.
🌎  Fight for the right to choose when and if to start a family.
🌎  Take action.
🌎  Use your voice.

Backyard Bobcat Bliss

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More magic!

I can’t post video any other way on WordPress so I hope you’ll be able to view this spectacular bobcat that came to my garden DURING THE DAY with a RAT in his mouth!

Here’s how the story unfolds: Yesterday morning around 6:30 a.m., I saw something on the lawn. I went out to look and it was a mangled rat. Hmmm, I said to myself, that’s gross, but I bet a hawk or owl dropped it. A little later, I walked up the stairs and took the SD card out of my wildlife camera that’s situated on the lower half of the hill and brought it inside to check, like I do on a weekly basis.

I was absolutely blown away by this video!

Bobcats (and coyotes) visit most nights, but this is the very first time I’ve captured video of a daytime stroll through here — with the added bonus of a meal.

It might look as if he walks away, but keep watching for his return along with an early dinner. As he makes his way down the steps, I realize the bobcat is the reason for the rodent remains I found on the lawn. This bobkitty is so jawdroppingly beautiful, I’ve watched the video at least a dozen times.

Bobcats are incredibly elusive animals and a bobcat sighting is a rare occurrence. Although bobcats are primarily nocturnal, they may be seen during the day while hunting/foraging for food, especially between April and July when they are most likely to have dependent young.

The only part of this momentous event that makes me a little sad is that I was HERE at that exact time and didn’t have a clue that I should have looked out the window that faces the garden as it would have been the greatest day in my life, right up there with seeing wolves in the Lamar Valley at Yellowstone, (although the temptation to want to run outside and say “here kitty, kitty” and pet him is strong.)

I am beyond grateful that these creatures feel that my garden (and me) are a safe haven to explore.

What might it mean? Seeing a bobcat carries a powerful spiritual message. It could be a sign that we need to tap into our inner strength and independence. The bobcat embodies resilience, encouraging us to stand our ground in the face of challenges.

Additionally, the presence of a bobcat might be a call to explore the mysteries of our life. It’s an invitation to delve deeper into our personal spirituality and uncover truths that may be hidden or suppressed. A bobcat can indeed be seen as a good luck spiritual symbol. https://lifeadventurously.com/spiritual-meaning-of-bob-cat/

This is a good time to remind us all about the horrors of using poison to control rodents:

Rat poisons don’t just kill rats; they kill wildlife too. Wildlife species are exposed to anticoagulant rat poisons when the poisons are used in urban and agricultural areas to target species such as rodents. But those who consume the poisons do not die immediately of the internal bleeding they are intended to cause. It can take more than a week for a poisoned rodent to die. In the meantime, the poisoned animal may be vulnerable to predators, and if a predator such as a bobcat preys on the poisoned rodent, the bobcat becomes poisoned too. Thus, poisons enter local food webs and become especially harmful to animals at the top of the food chain. Through a process called bioaccumulation, animals at the top of the food chain absorb toxins from eating lots of different prey animals, but their organs cannot filter out the toxins, causing the poisons to accumulate in their systems. As a result, some of the most iconic species in California – bobcats, coyotes, foxes, mountain lions, owls – are the most vulnerable to this indirect poisoning.  https://panthera.org/blog-post/surprising-effects-rat-poison-bobcats

Miracles and Magic

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Let’s go
To where the magic waits for us
Where our hopes, our dreams
Our wishes. Come true.
Athey Thompson

Yesterday was a magical day full of miracles.

In the garden, I looked up in a tree and saw two hawks mating! (I didn’t take any photos to protect their privacy.) Last night one of the wild baby bunnies was on the deck and scratched at the screen door like it wanted to come in the house (I didn’t open the door, but I was tempted), and the third miracle is that my adorable little vireos are once again nesting in a brand new bird house!

Vireo

“And as to me, I know nothing else but miracles” — Walt Whitman

Reflections: In The Garden of Thoughts

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That’s one of the messages that emerged about being unplugged for almost a week…it’s important to make time to see and feel what’s in our hearts.

In solitude, there is healing. 
Speak to your soul. 
Listen to your heart. 
Sometimes in the absence of noise we find the answers.

Mirrored on the lagoon.

Photo credit Enchanted Seashells

Another one of my secret spots to take a break, breathe, and reflect.

Looking west toward the ocean; peaceful, not a ripple.

Photo credit Enchanted Seashells

**Quote from a lovely little inspirational book by Dodinsky.

Cyberspace Issues: Hardwired

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Finally, finally, I have been reconnected with the World Wide Web. The information superhighway has been restored.

It took the technician hours because it wasn’t a simple repair, apparently. Since I’m always interested in learning about pretty much everything, I watched him troubleshoot the problem.

Not my actual box, but similar.

First of all, somehow, there was an actual broken wire in the little junction utility box that houses all the wires on our street. Just mine, not anybody else. Weird, right?

He fixed it but that didn’t resolve the issue. He showed me his Ipad map that pointed to another broken wire seven hundred feet away, down the street and around the corner. He went there, didn’t see a problem, but his map then told him the main issue was a broken wire two more blocks away on the main street.

When he opened up that particular utility box, he had to sort through hundreds of twisted wires of various colors and find the one that eventually connects wifi to my address. When he did that, he discovered that it was broken in half, not connected at all.

He repaired that wire, came back here, we rebooted my router and got a strong connection. After doing a few more tests to make sure everything was successfully in working order, the technician left.

I asked him how often similar things occur and he told me that it happens fairly often because the wires get old and no one ever checks them unless there’s a problem like I experienced.

I’m grateful he didn’t give up!

CRAZY, right?

At some point, I’m going to examine my relationship with the internet. I’m not happy with myself and how I felt about being unplugged cold turkey. It caused emotional and psychological distress. I don’t have an addictive personality but this felt very much like descriptions I’ve read about withdrawals. It’s time to self reflect and try some neuroplasticity.

At some point, I’ll do that, but right now, I’m tap tap tapping away, SO happy to be reconnected.

Day of Reckoning | Doomsday

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I’ve had a really tough last few days. My WiFi broke on Thursday– I mean really broke. and there was nothing that the telephone tech could do to fix it so I had to schedule an appointment for a real, live human to appear in person.

The even worse news is that no one can come until Tuesday. TUESDAY.

That’s a lifetime, right? Nowadays, to be without internet access grinds our lives to a complete stop. I’m not sure that it’s a great idea to be so reliant on this technology.

I thought I was really smart and tethered my computer to my phone’s cellular data until I got the message that I was using too much data, so I had to untether…unplug completely.

In some ways, this really feels like the end; doomsday, my own personal day of reckoning. I guess I didn’t realize how totally dependent I’ve become on the internet — in every aspect of my life. I confess that I felt a level of anxiety, stressed out because it was as if I was marooned on a desert island, cut off from the rest of the world.

I was lucky enough to still have a radio because I couldn’t listen to music any other way. It was like turning the clock back more than thirty years.

No computer, no social media.

I had disconnected from cable TV a while ago but no WiFi meant that I didn’t have Prime or Netflix or Roku and I was stuck with only a handful of local stations. Crazy.

I found a couple books to read but it didn’t take me very long to finish both of them. I polished all the furniture, I washed windows, I cleaned out the refrigerator. I worked in the garden. I actually got a lot done, much more than if I had wasted time on the internet.

Psychology Today says excessive use of the internet is known to negatively impact a person’s mental health. It has been associated with mental health issues, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Cybersex and pornography hurts our minds, souls, and relationships in so many ways — it’s incredibly sad.

While the internet has completely revolutionized the way we live and work in the modern world and opened up opportunities, it’s also closed the world. I believe that, too.

The internet transformed communication, information dissemination, commerce, education, and social interactions in unprecedented ways, reimagining the way we live, work, and interact with one another.

In the old days, we used typewriters to write papers or letters — or we hand wrote them. If we wanted to read a book, we went to library — or the bookstore. There were no e-readers or digital downloads.

If we wanted to hear a song, we listened to it on the radio or we bought a vinyl record, tape, or disk.

If we wanted to watch a movie, we either went to the movie theater or watched whatever came on television, and later we had Blockbuster to rent movies, remember that?

Upon reflection (since I’ve had a lot of time to THINK) I think life was better because there was more one-on-one interaction. Being alive didn’t feel as disposable as it does now. We didn’t expect everything to happen instantaneously. We didn’t give up as easily on things. We didn’t discard things as quickly. We learned how to take care of them and mend them if they broke. We didn’t feel the need to rush out and buy the latest new thing that was being sold, and then obsessively track its every delivery movement. (That’s me.)

It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure. I only lasted three days before I packed up my laptop and drove to the (empty) city parking lot to access their free internet.

This is where I am right now, sitting in my car, typing away on their signal. After this, I think I might hit up Amazon and look for a new table runner to accent my now beautifully polished and shiny dining room table.

The pain is real. How long could YOU last unplugged?

Photo Journey of South Lake Park

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A new walking trail opened up in the city of San Marcos.

It’s inland and a bit of a drive, so it’s best to get there in the early morning or late afternoon because the temps are going up.

The trail is only a mile or so, not at all strenuous, but the views are magnificent with California lilacs and mature ceanothus surrounding the South Lake Reservoir — built in 1959, although it hasn’t been used as a source of drinking water since 1984.

I doubled back instead of completing the easier loop and that added an extra mile to the hike.

There’s a lot of coastal scrub, coots, ducks, redwing blackbirds, deer, bobcats, and coyotes. I wish I had seen deer; maybe next time! South Lake is also home to a rare native turtle; the Western Pond Turtle, and I’m sorry to say that I didn’t see them, either.

Definitely remember to bring water and a wide-brimmed hat as it gets super toasty in the sun!

Bizarre Eclipse DREAMS | Snakes and Cats

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All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
— Edgar Allen Poe

So far, the world seems to have survived the solar eclipse, but on a personal level, my dream state have gone on a path of complete totality — into the BIZARRE.

First, as I was drifting off to sleep in that precarious and precious few moments called hypnagogia, the transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep, I felt my kitty daughter Bandit jump on the bed right next to me. I mean, I literally and truly FELT her body. This has happened during several lucid dreams, but NEVER as I’m stuck in limbo between two worlds. I know I’ve said it before…my Bandit died many years ago, so whatever/whoever jumped on my bed wasn’t actually Bandit, but her spirit.

Just like before, it totally freaked me out because it felt so REAL. Anyway, to rule out it wasn’t some other sort of creature (ick), I turned on the lamp next to my bed and there was nothing.

The light broke the spell of reconnection, but as Bandit jumped on me, I remember she asked a question, the same one she asked the last time I had a nocturnal visit. I responded exactly the same way I had during the lucid dream, “I don’t know, baby girl. I don’t know.”

I went to sleep after that –no more dreams about Bandit — BUT the last dream I recall is pretty unsettling. I dreamed that my nose was stuffed up. When I found a tissue to blow my nose, a bunch of snakes emerged, but only from the left side. (Gross, right?) They were quite small, mostly black with a white line running down the length of their bodies. Details, yuck! I continued to blow my nose and more snakes emerged, until I forced myself to wake up because OMG, I couldn’t let my subconscious continue on this strange path (of reptile totality).

My heart was RACING and you can be sure I doublechecked the comforter and sheets to make sure that I wasn’t lying in a nest of snakes. EWWW.

After a cup of coffee, I started researching snakes coming out of nose and to my complete surprise, it’s not at all uncommon. EWWW again.

There are way too many interpretations of snakes coming out one’s nose to determine whether my dream was good or bad, so I choose to believe the more positive explanations:

“Sometimes it can symbolize transformation, rebirth, and renewal. Dreaming about a snake crawling out of your body could be a sign that something hidden, or something that has been repressed, is coming out into the open. It could also be a sign of a transformation or a new beginning.”

“It might symbolize personal empowerment. You are striving for goals that seem beyond your reach. You are receptive to change. It also points at the moon, intuition, and the feminine aspects of yourself. You will play an integral role in an important upcoming project. Your dream is a metaphor for great harmony and heightened awareness toward some situation.”

Thank you very much, SOLAR ECLIPSE, for the strange ramblings of my subconscious. As much as I love to feel the poignant presence of my kitty daughter, it breaks my heart that she’s no longer alive. With regard to the snakes dream, I’m shaking my head. I have no earthly idea where that scenario came from. I’m not afraid of snakes (except rattlers) so it’s not like I have an ingrained snake phobia or anything like that.

Oh well…it’s a bright new day, and much too beautiful to dwell in the shadowy recesses of my submerged mind.

Dream info curated from Dreams Directory and Dreamopedia.

Are You In The Path of Totality?

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Do you feel the energy?

There won’t be another total solar eclipse for about two decades, so it’s generated an incredible amount of excitement.

Here in California, while we’re not in the path of totality, we’ll see a partial eclipse of about fifty percent. It’s predicted to commence at 10:03, peaking at 11:11, with the entire event ending by 12:23. It looks like we’ll have clear skies, which is so cool.

The total solar eclipse starts in Texas and ends in Maine, and will last approximately from 11:27 a.m. to 12:35 p.m. Pacific time.

It’s also a new moon. If you’re like me and wonder why every new moon day isn’t an eclipse, Exploratorium Senior Scientist Paul Doherty explains —the orbit of the moon is tilted relative to the orbit of the Earth around the sun, so the moon often passes below or above Earth. At those times, it does not cross the line between the sun and the Earth, and therefore does not create a solar eclipse.

For those of us who aren’t in the path of totality, I can’t think of anything better to demonstrate it than Oreo cookies, right?

Friends are traveling to locations where the total eclipse will be seen, others have booked very expensive tickets on the flight of totality, some are hosting or attending viewing parties, but I will stay close to home.

I really really like the concept of “path of totality” and might (probably will for sure) incorporate that phrase into my daily chat. It’s a destination, a manifestation, and inspiration all at the same time. PATH OF TOTALITY.

I’m ready for the eclipse and a personal path of totality — are you?

P.S. Back up your phones and computers, just in case…

I know this is a cliche and SOOO predictable, but I bet we hear this song a million times tomorrow.